(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)
Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”
Customer: “How much for my daughter?”
Customer: “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”
Me: “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”
Customer: “Oh, what do you guys do?”
Me: “Adult websites.”
Customer: “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”
Posted by aislinn / 7:22 AM /
at 7:22 AM | Labels: Funny Pictures
Posted by aislinn / 7:13 AM /
Below is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson:
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception.
To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes.
Inside each manila envelope was a 8x10 picture of his best man having
sex with the bride (He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and
hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.)
After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "F- you", he turned to the bride and said "F- you", and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said "I'm out of here."
He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong.
1) Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding
2) Letting everyone know exactly what did happen.
3) And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in
front of all of their friends, their entire families i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc.
This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world, we just live in it.
at 7:13 AM | Labels: Funny Jokes
Posted by aislinn / 7:08 AM /
at 7:08 AM | Labels: Funny Pictures
Posted by aislinn / 7:06 AM /
at 7:06 AM | Labels: Funny Video
Posted by aislinn / 5:54 AM /
at 5:54 AM | Labels: Funny Pictures
Posted by aislinn / 5:51 AM /
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home.
She puts her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.” Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250″
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy – “$750″
Man – “Sold.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.
The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”
The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”
Boy -”$1,000″ The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.”
at 5:51 AM | Labels: Funny Jokes
Posted by aislinn / 5:46 AM /
at 5:46 AM | Labels: Funny Jokes
Posted by aislinn / 9:51 AM /
Last night, after I thought all of the trick-or-treaters were gone, a boy of about 14 years of age came to my house. He was dressed all in red. Instead of saying 'trick-or-treat', he said 'I'm your period, sorry I'm late.' He got my last jumbo bag of candy, and he restored all of my faith in his generation.
at 9:51 AM | Labels: Funny Jokes
Posted by aislinn / 6:04 AM /
1. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
2. Do I look like a fucking people person?
3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
8. You!... Off my planet!
9. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
10. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
11. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.
12. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
14. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ...?
15. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
16. Allow me to introduce my selves.
17. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
18. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
19. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
20. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
21. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
22. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
23. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
24. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
25. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
26. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
27. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
28. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
29. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
30. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
31. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
32. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
33. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
36. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
37. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
38. I plead contemporary insanity.
39. And which dwarf are you?
40. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
41. Meandering to a different drummer.
42. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?
at 6:04 AM | Labels: Funny Jokes
Posted by aislinn / 1:05 PM /
The Beach Boys will never be the same!!
at 1:05 PM | Labels: Funny Video
Posted by aislinn / 12:54 PM /
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?
Just look at you . . . you have no legs!"
The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"
With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
at 12:54 PM | Labels: Funny Jokes
Posted by aislinn / 12:46 PM /
Give the kitty a treat...and an oscar!!!
at 12:46 PM | Labels: Funny Video
Posted by aislinn / 8:31 AM /
1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
at 8:31 AM | Labels: Funny Jokes
Posted by aislinn / 8:02 AM /
OMG!! this is too flippin funny. AHH dont listen to it at work!
at 8:02 AM | Labels: Funny Video
Posted by aislinn / 7:12 AM /
Department of Public Safety officers nabbed 25-year-old Richard Anthony Flores Jr.on two counts of reckless driving and one count of criminal speeding after he had his photo snapped by several speed cameras as he drove down the U.S. 60 at Alma School Drive.
Posted by aislinn / 6:45 AM /
Okay, i dont care how many times i have heard this...i laugh every time. And the video that goes with this just ROCKS!!
at 6:45 AM | Labels: Funny Video