tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39004311116470898322024-03-13T06:36:57.151-07:00Aislinn's Playgroundaislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-10216285298801226632010-02-20T16:16:00.001-08:002010-02-20T16:16:17.358-08:00The Pet Diaries <span style="font-size: large;"><b>PET DIARIES</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><b>As seen in a dog's diary:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"> 8am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!<br />
9am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!<br />
10am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!<br />
11am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!<br />
Noon - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!<br />
1pm - Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!<br />
3pm - Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!<br />
4pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!<br />
5pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!<br />
7pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!<br />
9pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><b>As seen in a cat's diary:</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"> Day 183 of my captivity...<br />
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.<br />
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.<br />
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild<br />
satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.<br />
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my<br />
captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost<br />
succeeded -- must try this at the top of the stairs.<br />
In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once<br />
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair -- must try this on<br />
their bed.<br />
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt<br />
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into<br />
their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little<br />
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.<br />
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed<br />
in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and<br />
smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due<br />
to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to<br />
my advantage.<br />
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.<br />
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is<br />
obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an<br />
informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my<br />
every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is<br />
assured.<br />
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time... </span>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-3590250777703998162010-02-20T16:14:00.001-08:002010-02-20T16:14:51.311-08:00Chainmail<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://grimm.blackmage.org/misc/chan/chainmail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://grimm.blackmage.org/misc/chan/chainmail.jpg" width="256" /></a></div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-41916344073732714702010-02-19T20:44:00.000-08:002010-02-19T20:44:09.494-08:00And The Mind Overcomes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.recoverygraphics.com/albums/userpics/10064/S_Quote_18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://www.recoverygraphics.com/albums/userpics/10064/S_Quote_18.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-13061190419668435122010-02-19T20:42:00.000-08:002010-02-19T20:42:03.492-08:00Katie's Crotch<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.baconbabble.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/katies-rd.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://www.baconbabble.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/katies-rd.jpg" width="262" /></a></div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-52486106373046903842010-02-02T07:57:00.001-08:002010-02-02T07:57:46.424-08:00Hollywood SquaresIf you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. Do female frogs croak? <br />
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? <br />
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. <br />
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? <br />
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. According to Cosmopolitain, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? <br />
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? <br />
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? <br />
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? <br />
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? <br />
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? <br />
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. ;Are you going to get any during the first year? <br />
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? <br />
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. <br />
One is politics, what is the other? <br />
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? <br />
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? <br />
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? <br />
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark? <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? <br />
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? <br />
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? <br />
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? <br />
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? <br />
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? <br />
<br />
<br />
Q When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? <br />
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? <br />
A. Charley Weaver: His feet. <br />
<br />
<br />
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? <br />
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-73993679080665837822010-02-02T07:28:00.000-08:002010-02-02T07:28:08.009-08:00Don't Be Hating<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F4NphL3hoZw/S2hEcSji4sI/AAAAAAAAAMw/zSIgKz49XBI/s1600-h/smart1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_F4NphL3hoZw/S2hEcSji4sI/AAAAAAAAAMw/zSIgKz49XBI/s400/smart1.jpg" width="301" /></a></div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-17468706494237434672010-02-01T11:40:00.001-08:002010-02-01T11:40:51.287-08:00The Shit List<ol><li> GHOST SHIT. You know you've shitted. There's shit on the toilet paper, but none in the toilet.</li>
<li> TEFLON-COATED SHIT. Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't even feel it. No trace of shit on the paper. You have to look in the toilet to make sure you did something.</li>
<li>GOOEY-SHIT. This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your arse 12 times and it's still not clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your jocks so that you don't stain them. This kind of shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.</li>
<li>SECOND THOUGHT SHIT. You're all done wiping, and you're about to stand up when you realise....you've got more.</li>
<li>POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD SHIT The kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come out till you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard. </li>
<li>WEIGHT WATCHERS SHIT. You shit so much, you lose several kilos.</li>
<li>RIGHT NOW SHIT. You had better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting to the toilet. Usually it has its head out before you can get your pants down. </li>
<li>KING KONG or CHOKER SHIT. This one is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually occurs at someone else's house. </li>
<li>CORK SHIT (also Floater) Even after the third flush it's still floating in the bowl. You think "SHIT" how do I get rid of it. </li>
<li>WET CHEEKS SHIT. This shit hits the water sideways and makes a big splash that gets you all wet. </li>
<li>WISH SHIT. You sit there all cramped up in the foetal position and fart a few times, but no shit in sight. </li>
<li>CEMENT BLOCK SHIT. You wish you had a spinal anaesthetic before you attempted this one. </li>
<li>SNAKE SHIT. This shit is fairly soft, about as thick as your thumb and at least a metre long. </li>
<li>BEER AND PIZZA SHIT. This happens the day after the night before. Most of the time your shit doesn't smell so bad but this one is BAD.... usually this one happens at someone else's house, and someone is always waiting outside the toilet door. </li>
<li> MEXICAN FOOD SHIT (or Screamer). You know will know it's safe to eat again when your arse stops burning. </li>
</ol>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-1512154228203779852010-02-01T11:38:00.001-08:002010-02-01T11:38:57.703-08:00Female Stress Reliever<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.toilette-humor.com/images/female_humor/female_stress_reliever.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="271" src="http://www.toilette-humor.com/images/female_humor/female_stress_reliever.gif" width="320" /></a></div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-74830591840021387882010-02-01T10:53:00.000-08:002010-02-01T10:53:07.986-08:00What Starts with F and ends with K<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" </span></span></strong></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. </span></span></strong></strong></span></strong></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;">While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he</span></span></strong></strong></span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;">agreed to take the test.</span></span></strong></strong><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry: "9."</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry: "36."</span></span></strong></strong> <br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;">should know.</span></span></strong></strong><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;">to the 3rd grade"</span></span></strong></strong><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The principal and Harry both agreed.</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry, after a moment: "Legs."</span></span></strong></strong></span></strong> <br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"</span></span></strong></strong> <br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry replied: "Pockets."</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"</span></span></strong></strong></span></span><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry: "Pants."</span></span></strong></strong></span></span></strong><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?" </span></span></strong></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry: "Coconut." </span></span></strong></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.</span></span></strong></strong></span></span></strong><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"</span></span></strong></strong></span></span></strong><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum." </span></span></strong></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" </span></span></strong></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry: "Shake hands."</span></span></strong></strong></span></span></strong><strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 10pt;"> </span></span></strong></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Tahoma; font-size: 10pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
</span></span></strong><strong><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt; font-weight: bold;"><br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The principal was trembling. </span></span></strong></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" </span></span></strong></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Harry: "Firetruck." </span></span></strong></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><strong><span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong</span></span></strong></strong></span></span></strong><strong><strong><span style="color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: large;"><span style="-moz-background-clip: border; -moz-background-inline-policy: continuous; -moz-background-origin: padding; background: white none repeat scroll 0% 50%; color: navy; font-family: Arial; font-size: 18pt;">.</span></span></strong></strong>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-73088600355097423982010-01-31T07:22:00.001-08:002010-01-31T07:22:56.725-08:00The Sexual Bases Through The Years<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F4NphL3hoZw/S2WgO428kFI/AAAAAAAAAMI/L1uJ1S12I1w/s1600-h/article_SexBases.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="222" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_F4NphL3hoZw/S2WgO428kFI/AAAAAAAAAMI/L1uJ1S12I1w/s400/article_SexBases.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-43347557364700801632010-01-31T07:13:00.001-08:002010-01-31T07:13:25.917-08:00Wedding RevengeBelow is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson: <br />
<br />
Subject: Revenge <br />
<br />
This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and groom's families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. <br />
<br />
To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes. <br />
<br />
Inside each manila envelope was a 8x10 picture of his best man having <br />
sex with the bride (He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and <br />
hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to the wedding.) <br />
After he stood there and watched the people's reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said "F- you", he turned to the bride and said "F- you", and then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said "I'm out of here." <br />
<br />
He had the marriage annulled first thing that Monday morning. While most of us would have broken off the engagement immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with it anyway as if nothing was wrong. <br />
<br />
His revenge: <br />
1) Making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding <br />
and reception. <br />
2) Letting everyone know exactly what did happen. <br />
3) And best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in <br />
front of all of their friends, their entire families i.e. their parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, nieces and nephews, etc. <br />
This guy has balls the size of church bells. This is his world, we just live in it.aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-32348260846349529832010-01-31T07:08:00.000-08:002010-01-31T07:08:15.272-08:00How to Keep a Man from Staring at Your Breasts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://pimpandhost.com/media/image/3/1/9/2/31921/e/0/a/2/e0a265a19378_m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://pimpandhost.com/media/image/3/1/9/2/31921/e/0/a/2/e0a265a19378_m.jpg" width="267" /></a></div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-73899085214917974782010-01-31T07:06:00.000-08:002010-01-31T07:06:16.188-08:00Probably the best safe sex video you will see today (NSFW)<embed allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" flashvars="level=0&skin=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia.noob.us%2Fmodieus.swf&dock=false&bandwidth=5000&file=http%3A%2F%2Fmedia.noob.us%2Faides.flv&viral.onpause=false&viral.email_footer=Brought%0D%0Ato%20you%20by%20www.noob.us&plugins=viral-2" height="440" src="http://media.noob.us/flashplayer.swf" width="530"></embed>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-44246581915971085782010-01-30T12:23:00.000-08:002010-01-30T12:23:20.865-08:00Surprise Buttsex<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://klubitus.org/liitteet/109741009656.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="116" src="http://klubitus.org/liitteet/109741009656.png" width="400" /></a></div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-39494936002526919662010-01-30T12:19:00.000-08:002010-01-30T12:19:10.112-08:00A Small Gift<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://i49.tinypic.com/30rtguu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://i49.tinypic.com/30rtguu.jpg" width="315" /></a></div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-64694291883344325822010-01-29T09:28:00.001-08:002010-01-29T09:28:22.515-08:00The Wrong Number<div class="storycontent"> <i>(Note: our customer support number is close to a local driving school’s number.)</i><br />
<b>Me:</b> “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”<br />
<b>Customer:</b> “How much for my daughter?”<br />
<b>Me:</b> “Um…”<br />
<b>Customer:</b> “She’s 16. It’s her first time. She needs training.”<br />
<b>Me:</b> “Sir, I think you want the driving school.”<br />
<b>Customer:</b> “Oh, what do you guys do?”<br />
<b>Me:</b> “Adult websites.”<br />
<b>Customer:</b> “Oh…OH! Oh my God!”<br />
</div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-53403170657401762382010-01-28T05:54:00.000-08:002010-01-28T05:55:10.093-08:00Kinky as a Cheap Garden Hose<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://loscuatroojos.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/kinkygardenhose.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="http://loscuatroojos.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/kinkygardenhose.jpg" width="400" /></a><br />
</div>oh yes...i could do a lot with a garden hose!aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-53612501211865644672010-01-28T05:51:00.001-08:002010-01-28T05:51:27.267-08:00It's Dark In Here<div style="text-align: justify;">A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The woman’s husband also comes home.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">She puts her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The little boy says, “Dark in here.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The man says, “Yes, it is.” Boy – “I have a baseball.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Man – “That’s nice.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Boy – “Want to buy it?”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Man – “No, thanks.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Boy – “My dad’s outside.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Man – “OK, how much?”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Boy – “$250″<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Boy – “Dark in here.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Man – “Yes, it is.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Boy – “$750″<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Man – “Sold.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Boy -”$1,000″ The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The boy says, “Dark in here.”<br />
</div><div style="text-align: justify;">The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.”<br />
</div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-43642195200986310142010-01-28T05:46:00.000-08:002010-01-28T05:46:52.957-08:00Gotta Check The Homework<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/51303/1258327607/pole.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/51303/1258327607/pole.jpg" width="476" /></a><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Oh yes....checking the homework would be a good thing!! <br />
</div>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-31998605338019451542010-01-27T09:51:00.001-08:002010-01-27T09:51:56.438-08:00Halloween Joke!Last night, after I thought all of the trick-or-treaters were gone, a boy of about 14 years of age came to my house. He was dressed all in red. Instead of saying 'trick-or-treat', he said 'I'm your period, sorry I'm late.' He got my last jumbo bag of candy, and he restored all of my faith in his generation.aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-27543286154578603992010-01-27T06:04:00.000-08:002010-01-27T06:04:13.166-08:00Inspiration and words of wisdom for the whiners among us1. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.<br />
2. Do I look like a fucking people person?<br />
3. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.<br />
4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.<br />
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.<br />
6. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.<br />
7. If I throw a stick, will you leave?<br />
8. You!... Off my planet!<br />
9. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.<br />
10. Does your train of thought have a caboose?<br />
11. The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.<br />
12. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?<br />
13. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.<br />
14. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be ...?<br />
15. A PBS mind in an MTV world.<br />
16. Allow me to introduce my selves.<br />
17. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.<br />
18. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.<br />
19. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.<br />
20. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.<br />
21. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.<br />
22. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.<br />
23. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?<br />
24. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.<br />
25. Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?<br />
26. It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.<br />
27. A woman's favorite position is CEO.<br />
28. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.<br />
29. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.<br />
30. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.<br />
31. Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?<br />
32. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.<br />
33. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnFuck you!<br />
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.<br />
35. Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.<br />
36. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?<br />
37. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.<br />
38. I plead contemporary insanity.<br />
39. And which dwarf are you?<br />
40. How do I set a laser printer to stun?<br />
41. Meandering to a different drummer.<br />
42. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-62852552095128705012010-01-26T13:05:00.001-08:002010-01-26T13:05:11.111-08:00Camel Toe Song<div><object width="480" height="365"><param name="movie" value="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x1t010&related=0"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x1t010&related=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="480" height="365" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object><br /><b><a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1t010_camel-toe-song_fun">Camel Toe Song</a></b><br /><i>Uploaded by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/Beaglefly">Beaglefly</a>. - <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/us/channel/fun">Click for more funny videos.</a></i></div><br />
The Beach Boys will never be the same!!aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-9437571437266574182010-01-26T12:54:00.001-08:002010-01-26T12:54:16.705-08:00Husband WantedA lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:<br />
<br />
"HUSBAND WANTED!<br />
<br />
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),<br />
MUST NOT BEAT ME,<br />
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND<br />
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!<br />
<br />
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON."<br />
<br />
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair. He had no arms or legs.<br />
<br />
The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you?<br />
<br />
Just look at you . . . you have no legs!"<br />
<br />
The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"<br />
<br />
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"<br />
<br />
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"<br />
<br />
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?"<br />
<br />
With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-56966384074918388202010-01-26T12:46:00.000-08:002010-01-26T12:46:03.670-08:00Kitty is a very BAD Mystic<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9bTbAsmPOKo&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9bTbAsmPOKo&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />
<br />
Give the kitty a treat...and an oscar!!!aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3900431111647089832.post-71067156647735498302010-01-26T08:31:00.000-08:002010-01-26T08:50:43.252-08:0025 phrases you wish you could say at work more often<meta content="text/html; charset=utf-8" http-equiv="Content-Type"></meta><meta content="Word.Document" name="ProgId"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Generator"></meta><meta content="Microsoft Word 12" name="Originator"></meta><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5Caislinn%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5Caislinn%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx" rel="themeData"></link><link href="file:///C:%5CUsers%5Caislinn%5CAppData%5CLocal%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml" rel="colorSchemeMapping"></link><style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again... <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">3. How about never? Is never good for you? <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.<br />
<br />
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">23. No, my powers can only be used for good. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication. <br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">25. Who me? I just wander from room to room.<br />
</div><br />
<ul><ul><ul></ul>
</ul>
</ul>aislinnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16942039220260228649noreply@blogger.com0